Valentine’s day should be treated as a childish indulgence, a treat for little children whose dreams must remain valid.

-Oyunga Pala-

I strongly believe that the only good thing that comes out of Valentine's Day is discounted chocolates the next day.  I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. And yes, I’m a romantic. In fact, for quite some time, I hoped I would meet my soulmate in that tired Hallmark movie script way. We would bump into each other, one of us would drop their books, hopefully, him, because I like my books more than I do people, the other would help pick them up while mumbling a sorry and while doing that, we would gaze into each other’s eyes and just know. We would then sell our souls to social constructs by getting engaged, married and my then child-bearing hips would bring forth three children, one boy, and two girls. 

Three boyfriends later and I’m starting to think that I should get a Ph.D. if that’s the way I still intend to meet my soulmate because boys these days carry heartbreaks waiting to happen, not books.

I digress. Valentine’s Day. I’m not one to celebrate Valentine’s. And you shouldn’t be too. First, the capitalism. Valentine’s is one day that the shops take out their claws, shove flowers and chocolate into your face and hope that you can pretend that the smell of red roses is not revolting. That those flowers don’t smell like Brians, like disappointment.

Also, anything that is in the middle of the month should not be celebrated. Who has money in the middle of the month? Unless of course they belong in a cult or come from old money. 

Valentine's Day is like the girl you sleep with because you cannot get the one you like. You hope she'll meet your needs. She'll be a fix, a place holder, a chance for you to scratch your itch quickly, without having to discuss feelings or wonder whether they really like you back. This is make-up day. Forgot a birthday? Make up for it with a cold dinner on Valentine's day. A cold dinner because you'll spend the first thirty minutes taking photos for the gram, to convince the imaginary haters that you are still together, that you're more solid than corruption in this country.  Has she been pressuring you to propose, telling you that her eggs are running out? Okay Captain clichés, propose on Valentine's Day. You've been in the doghouse? Take them for a trip to Naivasha on valentine's day and watch the scowl turn to a smile once you get to Viewpoint as she lets you graze her thigh.

Surely, there are many days you can smell stinking flowers and eat a shitload of chocolate,  going back on your new year's resolution to lose weight. There are many days you can choke her and do those really terrible things Christian Gray did to Anastasia. Surely, you can bend your back and swallow his children another day. I believe you can wear red underwear and black lace things anytime you are naked. Unless you're a sadist, coitus, giving and receiving head, pretentious dinners shouldn't be your go-to activity on a day that someone lost his head.

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