A friend who contributes here is holding me hostage over something I did with Kingfisher Wine.

He calls himself, Ian, the Connoisseur, because there’s very little about whiskey he won’t tell you. His love for good whiskey, and constantly writing about it on his social media platforms, made me drop my favorite brandy, Richot, and start sampling different whiskeys just to see what the hype is all about.

Anyway, back to why he’s holding me hostage. We were hanging out at a joint in the CBD a while back, and when my double of Jack Daniels came, I asked the waiter to get me a bottle of Kingfisher as well. Ian looked at me like I had just ordered chapatti with omena stew. His eyes said, ‘what in heaven’s name do you intend to do with a Kingfisher just after ordering a double of Jack Daniels?’

I intended to chase the JD with Kingfisher. It’s okay, you can roll your eyes now.

But you see, that’s the thing with Kingfisher for me. I find it an easy drink, no drama like Smirnoff Black Ice that will make your knees weak after the second bottie, or shy and demure like Snapp, undecided if it intends to get you tipsy or not, or Smirnoff Guarana which I’m still unsure about. All the three are decent drinks though.

Kingfisher, especially the strawberry variant, is clear with its intentions for you but does not brag about it. She is easy, sweet and gentle until you get to go the third bottle and realize she means business.

Some people call her the panty remover. But I think all alcoholic drinks are panty removers really. Only that some hit you hard and sudden, before you know it, you’ve become this whole new person who will say and do things you’ll probably deny the following day. Kingfisher is the woman who sits at a corner with a drink in hand, in a bright red dress and gold jewelry, watching everyone else gets wasted away, then rises and switches the music to something slow, and takes over the party.

Now, many people might not know that Kingfisher is actually a wine. When we think of it, we quickly classify it next to Smirnoff Ice variants; a lady’s drink with weak alcohol content.

Kingfisher, however, is a very interesting drink. It is uncharacteristic of most wines; sweeter than your average red wine, and could very easily pass for a non-alcoholic drink, thanks to its sweet fruity scent. However, the red variant has a woody-smoky aftertaste, something we see in whiskeys such as Jack Daniels.

Weird, huh? Even more interesting is that with the new Kingfisher packaging, the name WINE was scrapped off the bottle. Is it that the guys at Kenya Wine Agencies are doubting the wine-ness of this drink? I think so. I would too. I like that part of repackaging was doing away with the fat stout bottle, replacing it with one that is sleeker. What I cannot understand is why there is NO CANNED option for Kingfisher wines! I mean, if a drink is coming in 300ml bottles, how hard is it packaging this in safer options- like cans? Or am I the only one who’s never come across a canned Kingfisher? 

All said, Kingfisher is not a drink for getting drunk. No, honestly. This drink works better as a downer for a good meal. The trick is to drink it like you don’t mean it, it will get you tipsy either way. But if you plan to sit down with it and get high, you might need a dozen or more.

Prove me wrong.

 

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